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Turning 60–what I’ve learned in the past six decades so far: #5 Believe in Yourself!

Most of my life has been spent worrying about what other people thought of me, looking for approval, not feeling good enough, not pretty enough and feeling like I have not succeeded in anything. I think I’m a pretty friendly person. I always try and make a conscious effort to think about what I say, and I do my best to motivate others and help when I can. I’ve always believed that everyone is a beautiful soul, everyone deserves happiness and to be loved. I just had a hard time believing that when it came to me!

Sometimes I let my feelings and hurt get the best of me. In my sixty years of life, I have had some pretty weird rumors about me, some really funny and out of this world, and some really hurtful. I’ve been blocked on social media and probably on phones too. I’ve been made to feel bad for things I believe in and for my life choices. I’ve even had my HIPPA laws broken by someone I know! I would leave a lot as is, because I always try to think about how my actions would affect the other people in my life. So, things got left unheard and undone. My father used to say “crying and thinking about what you did or say, won’t change anything. Say your sorry and move on, when you say sorry, you at least acknowledge to the the person you hurt, that you know you did something wrong”. The sad thing is some people think only of themselves, and instead of admitting wrong, think of every excuse to feel right.

Now after six decades, and I don’t know why it took me this long, believing in me and avoiding self-pity is a big goal! I have decided to discover more about who I am, what makes me happy, and what makes me tick, what is my purpose in this life, and doing things to please me first! Believing in myself has always been difficult, and it is a lesson I am still learning, and realizing is an ongoing journey.

As we enter new seasons of life, we often uncover amazing truths about ourselves, which some may take us by surprise. 60 for me is a time to reflect on me, to treat myself first, not to stress out or care about what other people think, to believe that I can accomplish whatever I want, and accepting if things don’t go as planned, try a new adventure, or a new idea. Meditation and reflection has really helped me focus to see that I am special, I have more people who love and appreciate me than those who do not. I have come to my realization that people who talk, block, lie, etc. do it because they are jealous and that is a pretty great feeling that people are so envious!

I am extremely grateful for my husband, who I know loves me and thinks I am the most beautiful creature on earth. I am grateful for my kids who I can talk to about anything, and can make me laugh. I am grateful for the friends from my past and the new ones I’m making. These people in my life are the perfect recipe for me to believe in myself!

“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.”  

Richelle E. Goodrich

Asking for Help

Sjögrens Disease is one of the most misunderstood diseases. We suffer in silence because the illness is invisible to the eye, but painfully present in the body. I always have the dry eyes, dry mouth, dry skin, dry everything and now I’m really getting hit lately with the nerve pain, joint pain and all the daily discomforts that are so real, but others can’t see them.

Sometimes I feel like such a burden because when I start to express my pain, I feel like I’m complaining. I never know if I should voice when my body hurts or to ask for help because most of the times it’s for small things – like opening a jar or a Ziplock bag!

And for the bigger things, I feel so guilty asking for help. I have such a wonderful husband and kids that I know would help if I needed them to, but I feel guilty because while I would love to get stuff done, I also don’t want to put myself in more pain, and everyone has their own life to live and are doing their own thing and I don’t want them feeling bad to say no.

In my mind I have always been a warrior, taking care of everything myself, and the feeling of burdening anyone makes me cringe. I have cried when I can’t move, but I have to just keep trying to do things by myself, to be normal, because if I am suddenly alone . . . well that would not be good.

I have to keep telling myself that my new normal is different now, and that is ok. I want to be my old normal, thinking I could still do it all – but then that thought comes crashing back to me when I can’t do it all. It is so frustrating!

I can do things yesterday, today and maybe tomorrow with no problems, but there are no guarantees that I will even be able to move tomorrow, or sometimes in the next hour.

My new “normal” is now “management” and the management involved can be tiring! As a wife, Mom, Grandmother, caregiver, friend, etc, we are all great at showing compassion to everyone else, while being the worst at giving grace and compassion to myself.

I am learning to “manage” this disease, without stretching myself too thin, not getting overwhelmed (whatever I am working on will still be there tomorrow) and just making it through the day. Since learning to manage – I do have more better days than not, I am a survivor!

“How I Finally Got Diagnosed With Sjögren’s — After Feeling Lost for So Long”

Before my diagnosis, I felt like I was living in someone else’s body.
My eyes were constantly dry and irritated. My mouth felt like cotton. I was exhausted in a way that didn’t make sense. I’d wake up tired, go through the day tired, and crash the moment I got home. I kept thinking, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just push through this?
I went to doctors. I explained my symptoms. I got tests. I got shrugged off. I got told it was stress, dehydration, hormones, “just getting older,” or that I needed to sleep more.
But I knew something deeper was happening.
The turning point came when the dry mouth was getting a little ridiculous. The doc ordered some bloodwork.
Finally, came the answer: Sjögren’s syndrome.
I remember feeling two things at once: Relief — because I wasn’t imagining it. Fear — because this was real, and it wasn’t going away. Then the news that there is no cure!
Now that I am really feeling the effects coming to me all at once, the diagnosis also gave me direction. It gave me language. It gave me a starting point.
And it gave me a mission: To understand my body. To advocate for myself. To build a life that works with my illness, not against it. To share my journey so others don’t feel alone like I did.
This is the story of how I got here — and why I’m choosing to keep writing, keep learning, and keep finding my zen, one day at a time.

“Healing yourself is a revolution. It is the ultimate act of self-love.” – Cleo Wade

My Original Welcome Post

My original welcome post! – I am Brenda! I just turned 60 in September 2024 – and I was recently diagnosed with Sjögren’s Disease. I decided to go on a journey to finding peace, forgiveness, happiness and healing in this new age, as I learn more about this disease, from the difficulties of being diagnosed, to the ongoing struggles to manage my symptoms, that I don’t know very much about.

I am excited to share my journey to Zen with you, sharing my thoughts, my experiences and my stories to living a happy, healthy, forgiving, fulfilling life. I hope you find inspiration and motivation to find your own Journey to Zen and make changes in your own life.

I would love to hear from you, so feel free to leave feedback or questions in the comments.

Embrace Creativity: Painting as a Form of Mindfulness

One of my lessons was to keep on learning, working that mind. My husband has been incredible at doing what he can to keep my mind young. Just about every evening we do a puzzle, play a silly game, have some crazy creative date nights or paint. My husband is a great painter and had me paint with him one day. It is very calming, and I have really taken a like to it. I’m still trying to figure out what my niche is, I like painting gardens and things that make me feel love and peace, hippy like stuff. Painting is like meditating with color! We have even started selling our paintings. If you would like to check out some of our paintings, you can on our Facebook page – Hang Fire Studio – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581268841871

So keep on learning!

All you need to paint is a few tools, a little instruction, and a vision in your mind”~ Bob Ross

Happy New Years

What have I been doing in 2024!

It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since I posted anything. I plan to do better this year. Posting keeps me on my toes to read and learn more about myself.

This past year we welcomed a third grandchild. I did a bit of traveling to Puerto Rico, Mexico, Montana, Wisconsin Dells, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri and a few more places. In September I hit the big “61” and loving it so far. I started crafting and sewing a bit again. I have the pleasure of watching my two granddaughters two days a week and made my first Tik-Tok video with my niece.

With my Sjrögens Disease, I am still learning about it & after changing my eating habits, meditating & stretching daily, I can say I’ve had more better days, than days with pain. I love bread so much but it happens to be the food that causes my worst inflammation, so don’t get to enjoy as often as I would like. The best part is losing 35 pounds. My husband and I do a guided meditation just about every night and I started a morning ritual of coffee, stretching and breathing meditation.

I am grateful for the life I get to live and for the people in my life. 2025 will be just as great or better, because we have this year that we can’t ever make up, so let’s make the best of every day to come. Happy new years!

Dry, Dry, Dry

One of the things that I have been struggling with is dryness. Dry eyes and dry mouth are the most common symptoms of Sjögren’s. With me it has been dry eyes, mouth and throat, skin, hair, nasal passages and a persistent dry cough, just dry everything. If I do not apply lotion a couple times a day on my skin, I feel like my skin is crawling with bugs. With my mouth being so dry, my teeth are prone to cavities and tooth decay, I use a special prescription toothpaste.

A few years ago, before being diagnosed with Sjögren’s, I started losing my eyebrows. By 2020 they were just about completely gone. Made me sad because I thought I had the most perfectly shaped eyebrows and it was one of my favorite features about myself. My husband’s Aunt Dolly is such a positive person, and is a big believer of the “If you believe it, you can acheive it” She inspires me. I want to be just like her when I grow up.  While visiting Aunt Dolly in Florida a couple years ago, I was telling her about my eyebrows going away and she said to me “will them to come back!” “You keep thinking about how you lost them, start thinking about how wonderful it is that they grew back!” Everyday instead of dwelling on how I lost all my eyebrows, I would wake up every morning saying “look at how thick my eyebrows are growing”. I started to grow back a few hairs which made me very excited. Positive thinking – I am a true believer!

Well after my Sjögren’s diagnosis, I found out that losing my eyebrows was from the dryness.

About 5 months ago, I read Good Bye Lupus by Dr Brooke Goldner, who cured her battle with Lupus by changing her diet. It is a plant-based diet, and I thought I would try it. Now, I love my chicken – so I decided to start small, and it has made a big difference with just small changes at a time. I eat about 60% plant based and have seen changes in the way my skin feels, I’ve lost a little weight and . . . my eyebrows are growing back! I get so excited with each new little hair that comes in – like a kid in a candy store. I religiously drink my plant smoothies throughout the day and I try to make a plant-based dinner – with a little itty bit of chicken of course! My husband, who is one of my biggest cheerleaders, also started eating the same way and he lost weight and says he feels better than he ever has in his life! Life is grand!

Turning 60–what I’ve learned in the past six decades so far: #4 Make New Friends!

It is important to have friends – especially as we age!

It turns out that good healthy friendships contribute to good physical health. Friends can decrease your risk of health issues like diabetes, heart attack and stroke. Friendships decrease the feelings of loneliness, which can shorten your lifespan (verywellmind.com).

Since moving from the big city of Kenosha to a small town in the country of less than 60 residents, it has been hard to make new friends. I think I’m a pretty easy going, interesting, friendly person to meet.

 So, this is an area I am working on – making new friends here!  

My husband has lived here all his life. We met on a dating app in our late 40s. In a small town, everybody knows each other, and about anyone I met, was through my husband, and many of his friends were also friends with his ex-wife, and I am not from around here. I think a reason I’ve had a hard time making friends is some people may have felt awkward about being friends with both of us. I think that because I had friends who would ask me if it’s ok to invite my ex-husband to events, because they are friends with both of us, they did not want to make either one of us feel awkward. I am grateful that my ex and I get along very well. Things are getting better as people get to know me, but most of them are acquaintances, or work friends. I don’t have the having coffee, let’s go to a movie or going out to lunch friends. I need to stop feeling weird about who knows who and just start inviting people I have met to lunch – they might think “boy, that’s the last time I have lunch with her”, or they might really like me – and that is ok, and who knows, I just might form new lifelong friendships!

I have an amazing husband! We travel and do so many fun things together all the time, but it is also just as important and healthy to have “couple friends” to do things with. Studies show that the company we keep outside of our romantic relationships is essential for our overall well-being. Doing things with other couples actually strengthens your relationship! (Psychcentral.com). We need to get on the ball of inviting other couples to do things with too!

Turning 60–what I’ve learned in the past six decades so far: #3 Laugh as much as you can!

Laugh, laugh and laugh some more until your cheeks hurt!

I am so fortunate to have a husband who is a goof ball – we laugh about something every day. I also have four kids who are just as goofy. I know I can call any one of my kids and they will have me laughing about something or another. And my grandchildren – well that is an automatic big smile!

As I was getting closer to 60, dealing and grieving four deaths in my immediate family in a year, going through a deep depression, watching my husband struggle though a year of not walking and surgeries, and being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, I realize life is too short. Life is challenging enough, and adding obstacles does not make things any easier. BUT it does show how quick things in your life can change.

I try to enjoy every moment I have, and finding the beauty in my life. Laughter has been proven in many studies to boost your mood, decrease stress, strengthen your immune system, relieve pain, diminish feelings of anxiety, stimulate oxygen to your organs, great for managing tension, and more.

So go laugh, start with a smile when you see someone, it could turn into laughter – and it is contagious!